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..Here's My Story..

Monday, June 16, 2008

♥here i am stay strong to get through the torn bushes of pain♥

You...
I know, you've done a lot to me. but yea, it just don't feel right to me.

It's been 11 months since the day that i met you yea. and i admit you are so special. no one knows about you except me. I know I'm not a good person after all and i want you to stop hoping that i'll be back. i'm sorry.

you know that I was in a relationship with him when you came to my life. and you've tried your best to win this heart. at first we were best friend then i don't know what happened our relationship move one step forward. i was happy to be with you and at the same time i was happy with him too. maybe that time, we were so busy with our attachment and don't have much time to spend together. and that's when you've played you role. you were there to accompany me outings; watched movies, having lunch together. i feel like i'm closer to you at that time than to him.

and the time for us to spend most of our time together has end coz i'm going back to school and that's mean most of my time is his. and yea, to be honest, your existence in my life did change me here and there. even he says i'm not what i'm used to. to go out with him is like the thing that i really avoid and i have to create 1000-1 reasons and excuses so that we will not going anywhere together. and yea, the happiest moment in your life had come when he breaks what we have between me & him. and yea, you just know how to make me feel better. but then, in other way you're wishing that he's clearly not in my mind anymore. but no. i just can't do that.

it is impossible for me to forget what i had for an ages just in a day nor in a week. it takes time and it might take a years to deal with it or even it may never be forgotten. the memories just don't vanish from this mind like *one click* yea. it's not like you click on it then you delete it so that it wouldn't be in me anymore.but yea, there you are standing infront of me to helped me out of that misery and i want to thank you for that.

i just don't know what went wrong, you've change day by day. i said "i'll try" and you said "okay. it would be fine for me and i'll wait for how long it's gonna take."i guess you forgot about that. you were a nice guy and still a nice guy. but that feelings in you that have changed you. the thoughts that keep on playing in your mind make you what you are today, that me & him are back together. *sigh* i don't know how to convince you anymore. i'm out of words to tell you that me and him are not back in a relationship. your behavior make this heart bruise more. how i wish you could be more understanding and know how i felt deep down inside.

i just can't take it anymore. so i end up our relationship. i know, i've stabbed your heart with an axe but i just can't go on with you anymore. and now, the reason i post this shit is because i don't want you to keep on waiting me and telling me that you're sorry for not being understanding in my conditions. what i had with you and what i had with him is a different precious things that i will never ever forget and i'll keep that in my heart forever. you are special in your way. you've got almost everything that he don't have & he also have with him that i like which you don't have in you. having you in my life is so wonderful but myself was more over him than you. i'm sorry that i hurt your feelings but i've tried. i've tried my very best to gave you the best which is left with me.

i hope that you'll understand after this. this post have no intention to bring you down. it's just like i just can't take it anymore with you apologizing and begging when you know i'll never change my mind. i want you to stop what you are doing now. && yea, i want you to know, that you're special to me. and i really appreciate for you have done and helped me through those shits which had happened to me. really. thousand thank you to you. and thanks for the rosses that you gave to me.so okay. i hope that you'll be fine after this.and yea i think this one can make you smile that sometimes, i do really miss you til i drop my tears. ;$ ehehe.



***someone might be surprise reading this. indeed very surprise. and yea, i don't want to talk about this anymore after this so hope u understand. between me and him, only the both of us know. & no one else.




© 2008 BES7 STAR - c.B*b'Ajam


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