Sunday, June 8, 2008

Rainbows and rains have entered to my life. for 22 years living in this world, i've been through lots of obstacles and challenges in life. it starts from the day that I learned how to crawl, den i walked so that i can run to chase the dreams. now..i can run but yet still trying to chase the dreams.

I'm so paranoid of losing someone that i really love. losing the one you love hurting. indeed, it hurts real bad and can cause or bring the misery to life not for a short time. it takes time to heal the pain of losing the one u love. talking from experience, i was like being stabbed in the heart when he leaves me alone while i still need him to be by my side.but i guess, that's how far u were destined to guide me so i will not be lost in the path to my future.it hurts me real bad.it's just like yesterday that you were here right beside me.where i'm your 1st priority and no other else but me. it's just like yesterday that you wrap your arm around me so that i can sleep well.it's just like yesterday that you kiss my forehead so that i have the confidence to live my life by giving me your love. and it's just like yesterday that you hugged me so that i know that you'll always there for and always take care of me.

for me, you've been through dangers. for me, you hide your pain and give me a fake smile. so that i didn't know what you've been through just for me and how hard to take care of me. just to make me happy. but i was too blind to see your sacrifices just for me.and now, you're gone. no more you who are my most important source of light so that i can see through the darkness and won't get lost in life along the way to find the right path of life. no more you who brought in the laughter in life with your jokes. no more you who makes me feel comfortable and confidence living in this cruel world by giving me you pure love. just for me.

you made me laugh by telling your jokes. you've tried your best to protect me but yet i still feel not enough. you were too afraid to make mistakes and you make sure everything is running perfectly for me so that i won't be mad at you. the uncontrollable anger in me made you scared to make mistakes even minor mistakes.i didn't realize u tried so hard to make things to be perfect and it hurts u but just to see me happy you rather torture yourself. yea. i admit you've made me cry.you've sometimes treat me very rough and you lose your patient with me but yet you were still be there for me. you brought the tears into my life so do the sadness.but you try too hard so that
you won't see me cry coz to see me droped my tears hurts you the most.and now you're gone and not coming back.

so i guess it is true that time won't wait for us. losing you have change my life. i turned to someone who's not me. if i could have just one more day with you.. i'll make sure that i make you feel that you are the person that i really love and never want to lose. if only i could turn back time.just one day to be with you. i'll make you feel that you're very special and i'll make you the king to me.if i could have just one more day to be with you, i'll treat you the same way u did to me and put aside the pampered life that you gave me and sacrifice just for you. if only the one day could be reality, i swear that i'll keep holding your hand and never let it go. and now..you're gone. it's only pain, it's only tears and there's no love here.

only if i have the chance to tell you this before you leave me, i will tell you how much i love u and how much u mean to me.with you i face the ups and downs in life but now on the halfway to the end, you left me standing all alone without trace and maps for me to refer on the bridge to my future life. if only you could hear my heart. you're the greatest who ever comes to my life.never imagined living without you in this big world. the only thing you left for is your spirit, the spirit that you're holding on to for the time you tried to make me happy.

i still feel the pain of losing you n thinking this pain i suffered will never healed. live in the misery. but then.yea. i've got to move on. and yea.with the spirit you left for me i move on without you to guide me.

if only you're here to read this. i really love you so much.i know i was too blind to see your sacrifices just for me.i never appreciate what you've done. i was too stupid to not appreciate your presence. it's too late to regret now. all i can do now is to take that as a lesson.you are part of my life and you are the greatest part that i have in life. without you i'd be nothing.i will always love you & this love will never fade. this love will never go away as i locked it to my heart and threw the key into the ocean. i know it's been a while since the day you left me. but that won't stop me from loving and missing you. it's like just yesterday you were here with me. i can still feel your strong arm wrap around my body.i still can feel your rough hand holding my hand, your soft lips kissing my forehead to give me your love and your and the warmth of your body when you hugged me just to make me feel better when i'm down and never let go until i can smile back and to protect me. i miss you so much.it still brings tears down to me every time i'm thinking about you and know that i could not hold you again.you are the greatest. i know i'm on my own now and never hoping for you to come back to me coz i know that won't happen.you, i always keep in my heart and you, i will never forget and most of all, you are my HERO which can't ever be replaced.the GURU who taught me to be BRAVE and TOUGH just like you. and and YOU who I ADORE in my life. thank you for everything; for the sacrifices you made, for the patient you keep, the time you've waste,the ENERGY you used, for the SWEAT you produce and for the TEARS you dropped just for me. thank you. i will never be able to find someone like you.